#1: Give out Gympie-Gympie leaves
as a skin care product at all.
#2: Wrestle any crocodile longer than 8 feet.
#3: Tarantulas are not a suitable substitute for an alarm clock.
#4: Cross out the “duty” in the “duty-free” sign and run off with eight liters of whiskey.
#5: Emus do not make decent riding animals.
#6: Whistle Men At Work’s “Land Down Under” more than once a day.
#7: The Australian national motto is not, “Your Money or Your Life.”
-Nor is it “Apply More Sunscreen.”
-Or anything ever said by Steve Irwin.
#8: Kangaroos are not decent boxing opponents.
#9: The Gympie-Gympie is not a joy buzzer.
#10: The road less traveled is sometimes less traveled for a reason.
#11: No playing tic-tac-toe on a blue ringed octopus.
#12: In case of fire ants, do not stop, drop, and roll.
#13: Emotional baggage does not count towards the 30kg weight limit.
#14: There are no “good kinds” of car accidents.
#15: Australia is not “proof of a cruel and uncaring god.”
#16: The alligators do not need to be freed from the zoo.
-Not even if they’re American alligators.
#17: Garlic is not an effective defense against vampire bats.
#18: No telling cobras to “say it, don’t spray it.”
#19: “Running faster than you” is not a good plan in the case of an animal attack.
#20: Lizards are not Pokemon, and you should not try to “catch them all.”
#21: No inviting anybody back to your place if you’re living out of a car.
#22: White water rapids are not the “express route.”
#23: Just because you have buns does not mean that any anaconda wants some.
#24: A full minute of stunned silence means, “What did you just do?” and not, “Please continue.”
#25: Living in the wild does not obligate anyone to drink their own urine.
#26: No hunting for animals at night in residential neighborhoods.
#27: No clogging other people’s snorkels with
#28: Just because George of the Jungle swings from vines does not mean you can.
#29: Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are not “a part of a balanced diet.”
-No matter how many you eat.